Starting again is never easy…Starting again after riding, starting again in a new house, a new place, with a new person…Whatever it is that ended, the new beginning always takes a new level of strength, and if you are smart, a new level of understanding…
Today I was nervous to ride because on Friday we had an incident and by Friday night my back was causing quite a lot of pain…
I am learning though, that the less you focus on it, the less you feel it, and it’s amazing how much pain we eliminate if we just don’t give it any importance.
I woke up on Sunday feeling really great again, happy that the recovery is getting shorter each time, and I read the announcement that the World Equestrian Games for 2018 will be in September in North America…
And just like that I decided, that I would be there, with Batialo…Course there are 1 million things that need to fall into place for that to happen, but if you never set your sights on something it won’t just magically happen.
I told Mum, and she laughed…I said why are you laughing and she said of course you can do that, I’m laughing because you are just deciding now.
I told Batialo on Sunday as well that “we were going to WEG”, and today he was just amazing, trotting with his feet up near his face, I swear he hears every word that I say to him…I hated to have to tell him that the World Championships weren’t actually today, but not for another two years 😉
I was so disappointed last year to make it so far and then stop because of injury, but mum reminded me that technically my goal was to compete internationally, which I achieved, so the next goal has to be bigger!
If you ask if I have enough people around me who believe that I can make it, the answer is probably no…but if you ask me if I believe enough in myself not to care the answer is absolutely yes.
Every time I read a story about an athlete who made it, it never starts out with, “he had a super easy ride and everything was great, and came easily, and ta da he made it”…
I was talking with a friend recently who agreed that more often than not the athletes that really make it have the mental capacity to overcome the hurdles that everyone faces. Your body will always need to take pain, your mind is what tells your body to keep going anyway.
My hip hurts everyday…yep…can I do anything about it?…nothing that I’m not already doing..so I can cry about it, or I can get on with it.
The worst thing you can do for yourself is wake up when you are too old to do anything and realise that you could have done it. I don’t want to be that person…
Your goal doesn’t have to be the world. Your goal might be to get back riding, or to compete in preliminary, or to work out the balance between family and riding. What ever your goal is, it’s yours, others don’t need to understand it, approve of it, or even believe in it.
If I look back I want to say, well I gave it everything I had, and whether I make it or not I will have a hell of a lot of fun on the journey.
These last two years have been the best of my life. Not because they were easy years, but because I became the person that I wanted to be, and now I will put that to good use.
Sure I still have fear, because I’m human and I care about the lives of the people I love enough to care about my own.
They say that if people aren’t laughing at your dreams then they aren’t big enough! I have many dreams that I would love to fulfill, some of which I can make happen, and others which I cannot, but one thing is for sure, if you don’t try I will never know.